So, let's take a lil' trip down memory lane to September 2019, right before my smartphone decided to bid adieu and become one with the lost items of the universe. That was a time filled with convos and confessions outside of the 678 store . Yeah, that spot where truths (and some lies) were spilled. I remember this chat I had with someone who, at first glance, you wouldn't think would drop a life lesson bomb on me. But oh, he did!
The Confession That Wasn't Really A Confession
I was there, all caught up in my feelings, asking him straight-up if he liked this girl I was low-key (okay, high-key) jealous of. His initial reaction? Denial and a side dish of calling me out on my insecurities. Ouch, right? And yes, while it stung because it was true – insecurities were doing the tango in my mind – his denial felt like salt on an open wound.
But after some back and forth, he finally admitted. Yes, he likes her but he's not doing anything about his feelings because apparently, I'm the chosen one. Like what the f*ck? Did he just raised his red flag?
"I care for your feelings Ann, that's why I'm choosing you," Bruh, I can't believe he said this. What a scumbag! This actually sounds like something out of a teen drama series. Ew! But wait, I have to admit that for my 19-year old self, you know what? Aw, what he just said was actually sweet! Jeez...
The Sweet Lies I Tell Myself
His confession was supposed to be comforting, I guess? Like he even compare his crush to my fangirl moments over Kim Taehyung from BTS. "It’s no different from you crushing on Taehyung and Korean idols though," he said.
Hmmm... maybe he's right? Maybe it was the same, but here's the tea – his words were as consistent as my Wi-Fi connection... not very.
I wanted to believe him so bad though. I mean, who doesn't want their feelings validated by their SO? But deep down, something felt off. His words were sweet but his actions? They told a different story.
But in the end, I still believed him because who am I again? A FOOL!
OMG, I can't even with how naive I was back then. Like, I was totally getting treated like trash, but I still stuck around. I used to put up with so much nonsense. Like have you ever been told you're loved, but deep down, you're like, "Really?" He's all "I love you," but then he's spending Christmas with his girl bestie instead of me.
I'm honestly head over heels for him, yet he'd rather bail on our Valentine's Day plans just to hang with her. Like, seriously, WTF? I hope I mean something to him like she does. Feels like I'm just a girlfriend in name, not in how I'm treated. I should've downgraded to bestie to be treated like a princess. LOL!
And so with this, I learned the HARD WAY!
Lesson #1: Trust actions more than words.
Lesson #2: Love shouldn't feel like solving a Rubik's cube blindfolded.
Lesson #3: Your worth isn't tied to anyone's validation but your own.
Sure enough, that relationship taught me more about myself than any self-help book ever could. It showed me the early signs that I chose to ignore because of this stupid 'love' I had for him. But hey, we live and learn right?
It's the "Ang matang namulat ay hindi na muli pang pipikit" for me. I learned so freaking much from our story.
Growth Is A Journey Not A Destination
The biggest takeaway wasn’t just about recognizing red flags or learning when to walk away. It was understanding my value doesn't decrease based on someone’s inability to see it. Nowadays? If someone decides they're out of my life without giving me the courtesy of an explanation, cool beans! My younger self would've chased them down for answers but lol not anymore.
This journey from being nineteen and naive to... well, still figuring things out but with way less tolerance for BS has been wild. And for those wondering if love is supposed to feel like an endless game of cat-and-mouse with your self-esteem as the prize - it's not.
So to everyone reading this blog post: Letting go is sometimes the best way forward. Whether it’s September 2019 vibes or today’s mood swings, please know your worth and don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. And honestly? Sometimes those painful lessons are what shape us into our most badass selves.
So here’s thanking every person who played a part in my journey. Even if your role was teaching me what love isn’t supposed to feel like. Cheers to growth, self-love, and making better choices!
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